I felt it again today. The pull. You know, when your thoughts get pulled into a missile proff cage and you can’t get it open. You can’t stop the way your thoughts take over. Spiraling in directions unknown even to the simplest of men. That’s how it started. I got trapped.
Life was fine. Nothing you see on movies or read in novels. Nothing to windswept. I was okay. My laundry was done and folded away. I got out of bed at 8.15. I cooked and cleaned and bathed “the child” In my universe if I can accomplish that, it’s a success. Today though, I felt the numbness again. It was back. The last time It almost killed me. I think of him as my own person demon. Depression “Dee” for short. I want him to go away. How do you banish someone out of your head when they start taking control of your body. He keeps me awake at night. He makes me gag at the sight of food. He makes me cringe at the thought of sex. He makes me pass out. He makes blood spill from my nose. He bangs on the walls of my head until I can hardly think. He entwined himself around each vibrant string holding me together until they were a dull black.
He took control of me until I no longer wanted to move, sleep, eat, interact or care.
He took control whilst my body desperately wanted to sleep, eat, interact and care.
“He” was no longer. Only “We”